I’ve received a couple Dear Amber questions recently. Here is the first one along with my reply. If you’d like to add your thoughts on the matter, please join in on the moments section.
Dear Amber,
I have to assume you’ve dealt with this issue, but here is the scenario. I am happily married, and spanking is a part of our relationship. I am always the bottom – my wonderful wife had a couple of life experiences that have made being spanked uncomfortable, which I completely respect. Here’s the basic scene… So, there’s some reference early in the afternoon that I am in trouble. I get more and more excited with anticipation as the day goes on. The kids go to bed and are fast asleep. We have a glass or 2 of wine. She sends me upstairs, telling me to bring a wooden spoon or the like with me. Things go from there – I’m truly getting the experience I want. Then, it starts – she actually starts really spanking me. And, it hurts. I know I have a safe word, and I’m not liking being in pain there at that moment. At that time, I truly want to bail, and sometimes I do, either because I use a safe word or because I make her uncomfortable. It is a horrible feeling. She’s not an especially hard spanker, and she loves me to death. I am very ashamed and disappointed when this happens.
Do you have those moments when you just really get in too much pain and come out of the scenario in your mind? The anticipation is riveting, but the execution falls apart? What do you do? If you battle through it and take the spanking, I assume you feel a pure release when it’s over, don’t you? How do you fight through?
What I did today was to tell her that she needs to force me to stay in position and be punished – take a more definitive dominate roll. That’s fine, but to the extent I can take pressure off her, I’d like to do my part as the bottom too. Any advice would be great.
Mr X
Dear Mr X,
I think what you’ve described is pretty common in spanking and in other areas of life as well. Sometimes the idea or the fantasy of something is wayyyy better than how it actually is in real life. The anticipation is a big part of the enjoyment. I’ve made the comparison of spanking to roller coasters before and I think it is apt in this case. If you love roller coaster rides, the big part of the thrill is the excitement leading up to the descent. Standing in line looking over the structure, listening to the other riders scream, feeling the butterflies in your tummy. Then you get locked into the ride’s car. There is no going back once you’re strapped in unless you beg the operator to let you out citing a mistake in judgment. And once you’re trekking up the track, it’s definitely too late but you love every nervous second. And finally you are rocketing downward at a frightening pace shrieking your head off wondering why the hell you got on line in the first place but grinning at the same time. Sometimes the coaster is a dud and you’re disappointed that it wasn’t as cool as the hype led you to believe. Sometimes it really is too scary and you won’t go again. And sometimes, after you calm down, you run back to get on line again.
There is even more left up to chance when it’s two people involved in an act like spanking. The outcome is not always going to be the same even if the variables all seem to be the same. The spankee may be more physically or emotionally sensitive that day and things become unpleasant. Or the spanker reacts differently for whatever reason that may not be related to the current situation at all. Not every occasion can be perfect just like not every movie, game, or romantic moment goes exactly as we envision.
I can’t say that if you battle through it and see the full spanking out that you will feel a positive release afterwards. Sometimes I’ve gotten through either because I’ve had to or thought it was the right thing to do and have only come away feeling put off or resentful. Other times I have felt better after I get through in part because a real punishment spanking wouldn’t be one that I’d have complete say over anyway. That’s actually one of the things I’ll remind myself of in order to get through, but if EVER safety is an issue I end it. Since these are spankings given by your wife in part of a mutual relationship, I’d say to communicate with your wife during your spanking. Send signals that indicate a shorter or lighter spanking is appropriate and hopefully your wife will recognize the need for flexibility and bring it to a close quickly.
Amber
Has anyone else been in a similar situation to Mr X? Do you have any advice to share?