Received a great question the other day:
“If a bottom’s ego won’t allow them to use the safe word does the top have the responsibility to call a halt to the session?”
This does occur but not always because of the bottom’s ego. Sure, that’s one possibility, but sometimes it’s that the bottom fears disappointing the top or is enjoying the scenario so much they don’t want to call a halt. Also on occasion the bottom will either be in such a deep headspace that they are not fully aware of their physical well-being or perhaps more worrisome, they may be in such a state of distress they cannot say or remember their safeword.
I firmly believe in establishing a safeword, but I don’t think a top can always rely on the bottom to use it. There is shared responsibility and the top needs to monitor for safety, stop to question if there is some concern, and make a judgment call as to whether or not to continue. At least that’s how I practice because I do not wish to cause someone unintended harm.
The emailer also suggested that in order to protect the bottom’s ego, perhaps the top should make an excuse for a stop in play such as claiming a tired arm. Hmmm. Perhaps that can be used as a reason to pause, but I tend to be honest and will express any safety concerns. If it’s not so much a safety issue but more of a tolerance one, then maybe work in a break that flows the scenario – a pause to lecture for example.
What are your preferences or experiences from either the top or bottom perspective?