Here it is! The second installment of Dear Amber. If you would like to see this column continue, be sure to drop me a line with your questions.
Dear Amber
I like playful, bratty stuff with an erotic edge if it’s there, and where the consensual aspect is clear. I have a few questions if you can help. I’m still dealing with the emotional “stuff” and doubt that comes with accepting this about myself. I still feel wrong and weird at times, and scared of being outted. Are there ways to help deal with these feelings that worked for you? I want to learn how to begin to be ok about it. I also am a strong Christian and am trying to reconcile it all with that.
Also, I’m not very savvy about finding sites that feature the spanking I like and are safe to view. Are there ones you would recommend? I live in *State Withheld*, and I’m always worried that I’m going to get some weird virus or get hauled off to jail for viewing this online. Is it really safe and legal?
Last question: How would I someday admit my attraction to spanking with a boyfriend or husband? I don’t really want others to know, but a significant other would be okay. How does one approach it?
Worried
Dear Worried,
I think every spanko has felt wrong or weird sometimes for our interest. But you know, I’m fairly certain non-spankos as well have felt wrong or weird for their own interests or even conventional vanilla erotic desires. For me, I eventually became more comfortable with myself and my interest the more I met like minded individuals in our community both online and in person. Not only was it reassuring that I was far from the only one with a love of spanking but the people I met were from all walks of life and are well rounded individuals with families, jobs, hobbies, and interests outside of spanking. Regular people and they are ok, so there isn’t something inherently wrong with me simply for deriving some form of pleasure from a smack to my bottom.
As for finding sites that feature the style of spankings you like, that can be tricky because it’s so personal and subjective. I’d recommend checking out sites that are linked on well known blogs or other established websites. Sometimes a random google search for just about anything kinky or vanilla can lead to a site that has some kind of virus. Really, nothing out there is safe – there are viruses on Facebook, in the cute email forwards, and so on. Just be sure to have good virus protection and do a periodic scan.
Viewing spanking material online is perfectly legal in the United States provided you are over the age of 18 and legal to view adult content.
Broaching the subject may vary with each person – both you and the significant other you are sharing with. You never know, you may have a partner that one day asks what kinds of activities you’re into and be very intrigued. Or you may find dropping hints to be the way to go provided they pick up on them and know what to do. Humor can be a great way of introducing a subject you’re cautious about; make a few light hearted remarks about spanking and see how the other person reacts. And in my case, I told my now husband about my interest on our second date in one hurried run-on sentence over a shaky cup of coffee at Dunkin’ Donuts. Turned out for the best.
Dr. Amber, Spankologist, Virologist
Dear Amber
My spanking partner just came up with a really hot idea, but I’m not sure how to approach it. I’m a top, she’s a bottom; it’s always worked that way in our relationship. Usually I’m the one that suggests new ideas, positions, or play implements.
However, she suggested we have a third person observe her next spanking. No one in our town knows about our kink and I’m hesitant for us to come out, so to speak. Also, since her spankings usually involve corner time with her undressed from the waist down the person we include is going to have to be okay with a little backside nudity.
I’m all for it but am not sure how to proceed.
Signed me … ready, willing, but hesitant.
Dear Hesitant,
Be sure to double check with your spanking partner that that is something she truly wants to try out in real life. Sometimes people will share a fantasy idea that is incredibly hot, but don’t actually want it to come to fruition; they prefer the fantasy and would want to jump in the nearest ditch if it were to come to life.
If this is indeed something she would like to take place, then you indeed need to choose that third person carefully. Asking a random neighbor if they’d be interested in popping over for a session could lead to many awkward moments when you run into them at the grocery store if things don’t work out.
Do you have any friends that are into spanking that you may have gotten to know online even? One possibility might be to have an intermittent step of having a fellow spanko friend observe online via webcam. Or perhaps you could arrange to get together in person in the future. That way your interests and actions would already be understood and you would not run the risk of being outted and becoming the hot gossip topic of the neighborhood.
Dr. Amber, Spankologist, Head of Neighborhood Watch Committee
Dear Amber,
A few months ago, you addressed my question about whether or not a man being a switch would deter a woman from playing. Now, I wonder, ” does age matter ” ?
The reason I ask is, at 56 ( 57 in August ), I am a lot older than most people in the scene. At the very least, most people my age probably already have a partner, or someone they play with. So, what I am wondering, do you / your readers think my age would be a ” turn off ” , or deter a possible spanking friendship / relationship ?
Fifty-something
Dear Fifty-something,
I’d disagree that you’re a lot older than most people in the scene!! Having corresponded with people via email as well as meeting spanking friend at parties or through online means, I’ve had the pleasure of knowing spankos that who were just legal at 18 all the way through to 80 something. I hate to be so cliché as to say that age is just a number, but seriously it is. Sure we all have to grow older each year but we can choose whether or not we grow up, right? 
Anyway, please don’t fear that if you attended a party or offered your friendship in a spanking relationship that you’d be given the hairy eyeball for being any age on the upside of legal. As a whole I think the spanking community is far more interested in the amazing feeling of connecting with others that really get the love of spanking. That said, of course different people will have their own individual preferences – some desire a young play partner, others don’t like to play with others that are too young in their opinion. It’s no different than preferences in any other physical or personality trait that we are either attracted to or not when it comes to friendships and relationships.
People of every age are looking for play partners. Please do not let your concern about age at all inhibit you seeking fun and friendship.
Dr. Amber, Spankologist, Sociologist
Dear Amber
I once read an excerpt from “The Spanking Couple” interview. Mr.Daniels commented that he and Veronica once spanked a female model who had a flatulence problem during their shoot. He said she took the time to repeatedly “break wind” and then laugh about it after. Has this situation ever occurred during one of your sessions either with private clients or during a shoot?
Beans Beans The Magical Fruit
Dear Magical Fruit,
I can’t say that I’ve been personally a witness to any wind breaking in sessions or on a shoot, though I have heard of such a thing occurring. It’s understandable (though decidedly embarrassing for the spankeee and seriously unpleasant for the spanker!) given that humans produce 1 – 4 pints of gas a day, pass gas on average 14 times a day, and when you’re getting spanked over the knee there is an awful lot of pressure on the abdomen.
Sincerely,
Dr. Amber, Spankologist, Tootologist