A few weeks ago, I had a brief conversation about spanking and intimacy; how consensual spanking is by its very nature, a very intimate act and yet not necessarily sexual. I’ve addressed the topic of “Is Spanking Sexual?” on my blog before and while for some, spanking is intrinsically linked with sex, for others, it is not in the least. But I think spanking is absolutely an intimate act in any case.
Even the most casual spanking encounter still requires a level of intimacy. Spanking play that takes place between two people that have just met at a party and is done in an open play space is still intimate in that there must be some level of mutual trust for physical safety, comfort in expressing desires and interests, and the obvious fact that the buttocks are involved – a part of the body that is generally not exposed or touched by the general public.
The physical contact, especially if it is skin to skin contact, is an intimate act that I equate with a massage. In a massage, a person is touching another person’s body (usually the back) to make them feel good. Much like a spanking, it might even hurt a bit, but it still feels good. The massage therapist may be rubbing their hands on the client’s bare skin. The setting is generally private. And while sometimes a massage may lead to sexual feelings or acts, it’s not a given and not always appropriate. And yet, I’d still say the massage is intimate because of the physical touch and level of required trust involved.
I keep mentioning trust because I think that’s at least as essential a component in making spanking an intimate act as the physical aspects. One can have an intimate conversation and that does not involve any touching. What it does involve is sharing feelings and receiving understanding. In a spanking, you’re sharing feelings, desires, and thoughts that can’t be expressed openly with everyone. And then you’re moving one step further to act on them with that trusted, understanding person.
During the conversation on intimacy, it was also mentioned that some people in spanking relationships will only play with their partner citing the fact that spanking is too intimate an act to be shared with others. I can understand this point of view because the bounds of a couple’s relationship are very personal and unique to the individuals involved. But is this likely because for one or both of the partners spanking is tied to sexual acts? Or is it truly because the intellectual intimacy and required physical contact of a spanking is best kept between partners? What are your thoughts?