A reader asked me to do a blog post on the dichotomous nature of the spanking play world. We as spankos form a community through our common interest in spanking. It is certainly not a harmonious utopia as we all have slightly different beliefs and preferences and that can lead to a good deal of friction, but where else but within the community are you as likely to find open acceptance of the love of bottom smacking?
Still there are many segments within the community. The one the reader brings forth as today’s topic is the free play community vs the pay for play community.
People may meet one another at an events like parties, but if they wanted to play with a lot of those people, they might have to pay for the opportunity to session. I don’t mean that description to be a critique of models/stars, such as yourself who make their living in the spanking world. Rather, I’m curious as to your take on things, especially because I’m sure that there was a time when you were on the other side of the divide— looking to make friends within the community, cautiously finding playmates, etc. It’s almost like there are two tiers within the community between people who make their livings in the industry and those who don’t. I’m sure it has presented some awkward moments for you over time. How are you able to draw a line between the paid side of things and the community side (for example, have you ever met someone sessioning who you really genuinely liked and wanted to become friendly with, etc?)
Sorry for rambling, but I’m struggling to articulate my thoughts on this topic.
Great topic. And rambling? Ha! I’ll show you rambling.
Small aside, I don’t think pay vs free an be so neatly categorized into model vs non-model. Not all models do sessions and not all that do sessions are models. There are many pros that do not have a video presence at all.
Now of course there was a time when I was new to the community and seeking friendship, actually I’m always seeking new friendships if not necessarily regular playmates, but early on I too sought a professional. I wanted to play with a top who met with my specifications to live out my personal spanking fantasy. I had a certain vision in mind for the scenario, for the style of play, the type of interaction. Yes I’d have to pay when I could probably meet for free play with someone else, but it’s a bit like coming up with an idea for a movie. You can give someone an idea and let them run with it and you may or may not get what you envisioned in the end, or you can fund and produce it yourself so as to have much more say in the final outcome. I was willing to pay for the chance to have the fantasy that was floating around in my head for years to come to life. I also did not have the fear that things beyond my limits or expectations would occur and that was of comfort to me, especially after having a free play session result in bleeding welts and a man refusing to leave my apartment unless I gave him sex. I was a little gun shy for a while about free play after that experience.
I cannot speak for others that do paid sessions within the community, I can only speak for myself, but I do still enjoy free play with friends and with people that I meet and hit it off with at parties. There is a big difference between session play and free play though in that sessions will be an hour or more of time exclusively devoted to what the paying party is seeking. I’m hoping to fulfill their fantasy just as I had hoped to fulfill mine when I sought a paid pro. It’s their scenario, their outfit requests, their time. As long as it falls within proper safety precautions and the agreed upon limits ahead of time, I do my best to shape myself into what the other person is seeking. Sometimes I absolutely have a blast as we are on the same page in our definition of spanking fun and sometimes it just isn’t my personal preference but that’s not what is important in a paid session. It’s about what the paying person seeks.
Free play at parties is much shorter, in part because parties are time limited and there are lots of people to hopefully meet and perhaps play with too. Parties, after all, are about mingling and meeting, not hiding in a corner with one person for the whole night. Play tends to be cautious especially if it’s a first time meet without a lot of time to discuss preferences and with respect for the bottom that may already be sporting a sore bottom from earlier play or may wish to engage in more play afterwards. Often, though not always, the goal is for mutual enjoyment as opposed to meeting primarily the precise desires of one person.
Play with friends may also differ in time and tone from paid sessions. The time is not necessarily limited. It may be a few minutes of play at an informal gathering or several lengthy spankings spread over days during a long visit. The time spent together is not about spanking only, but about enjoying the friendship and other common interests that have developed. When it comes down to play, it’s very much about mutual enjoyment as I think that is the very nature of a good friendship. With any luck you’re compatible in play styles and naturally fall into an easy rhythm without much discussion as the relationship matures.
Have there been people that I’ve met with that I’ve really liked and sense that we could be friends beyond the formality of a session? Yes. I do still tend to be cautious though and must decline offers to hang out or provide my personal phone number. I’ve been burned and learned. However I have been known to run across the room at a party and give a big hug and ask to play for fun. And in a few rare occasions, I’ve gotten the chance to know someone better through mutual friends and small gatherings and at that point have felt comfortable in connecting beyond the session world. It’s a bit of chance and opportunity much like any other potential friendship or relationship particularly if you compare it to one that might start in the workplace.
Now THAT my friends is a ramble.