Ok, here is the promised ramble!! Get comfy and read on:
Sometimes calling an end to a spanking is the very hardest thing to do. Letting it continue beyond your true limits or when safety is an issue is never a good thing and yet it’s not that simple to just say stop.
Spankings can be very emotionally charged play for both top and bottom and for a variety of reasons, it’s hard to speak up and call it quits. I am going to speak from my perspective as a bottom here because that is not only the role I am most frequently in and most comfortable with, but also because it’s the one in which I have experienced the conflicting feelings about stopping the most.
I guess the most ideal situation in which it’s tough to say no is when I’m having such a magical moment that I truly don’t want the interaction to end. I want to stay perched over the spanker’s lap and experience that wonderful deep thud of each smack. Why call an end to it at all? Well, sometimes I am emotionally shot or of more immediate concern, my skin cannot safely take more. The nerves in my bottom may be temporarily muted so the pain may not be overwhelming if the spanking is being delivered well, but the skin can break down and weep and bleed. Time to say enough to prevent infection and delayed healing time.
Sadly, not every spanking is ideal and yet it’s still hard to say no even when safety is again a concern. I’ve had smacks delivered with the hand and a host of implements are too high (and worse, high and centered). This results in truly unpleasant to downright scary painful sensations traveling down my sciatic nerve and bruises along my tailbone. A poorly placed shot is bound to happen but when done consistently or even on purpose, that is not acceptable. So why not hop right up and say “QUIT IT!”?
I try to be considerate of the top’s feelings and preferences. I don’t want to sound too picky. I have also had occasion where I’ve been told flat out that I’m wrong and this is the correct way to spank! I don’t really want the top to feel offended or upset and then take that out on my bottom, but yet I know that feedback is essential provided it’s delivered well and heard.
I’ve also had a couple of experiences in which the top has decided they are going to “break” me. One not so gentle gentleman literally said this as he grabbed me and began to spank without even asking first. Of course it doesn’t always need to be said for the sentiment to get across and it royally ticks me off. I may be a bottom in a submissive role, but it is not my preference for my bottom to be treated as some sort of strongman platform. Again, this would be the perfect time to use a safeword or “get the %#$^(*^ off me”, but my stubborn pride gets in the way. I don’t want to give the guy the satisfaction of claiming that he in fact managed to break me by getting me to say stop. I’m stuck in a bad position where allowing it to continue not only upsets me further but puts me in great physical danger, but saying stop may allow him to strut away accomplished. The strutting peacock moment may be diminished if I were to stand up and throw a punch at his nose, but I have thus far been to shocked and reserved to do so.
Then there is the issue of using a safeword during a shoot. Any reputable content producer will always establish a safeword and make sure the model knows they are free to use it as needed. Calling a halt to a spanking every 2 seconds though of course would not make for a video and if one cannot complete the scene / day, then full payment may not be given, but no one should ever feel as though they are in true physical danger.
I have never felt that I could not use a safeword while filming for any company and on rare occasions I have indeed done so to provide feedback to the spanker (i.e. please avoid this one area that is getting raw, you can go a little harder, I’m nearing my limit). But a lot of the same feelings I’ll have during a regular play session can come into the picture – the difference in preferences in spanking technique, the top’s desire not only to make an impression on the bottom but also to make a powerful scene for the viewer, and sometimes questionable skill or experience on the part of the spanker. Add in the possibility of a live audience of other cast and crew and that everything that is said and done is being recorded, and there is the added feeling of self-consciousness. Don’t want to cause friction with the top, tick off the producer, nor seem like a light-weight in front of the other girls that are in for the same punishment. It can hurt one’s pride to call a cut but it can hurt lots more to not speak up.
I’m not sure the best way to handle those less than favorable circumstances. Sure, I know the “right” thing to do, but that doesn’t make it any easier. Would love your feedback and experiences!